This is something different than what I have written but it’s an important topic for me and many other people too I bet.
Like I have told before my father is from Turkey, mother is from Finland. Even my dad has lived here about 25 years and speaks finnish fluently, sometimes I can see that he still carries his own chilhood and culture with him. I can’t take that away from him but there comes a day when I wish I could.
In life there are things that have been self-evident to me throught my chilhood: parents should be respected and obeyed, father is the head of the family and he is never allowed to shout at. It’s because of my father I became a person who desires justice and appreciates hard work. On the other hand, his political views are not the same as mine (For examble he supported Donald Trump, I supported Hilary on the United States presidential election). Not to mention sexual orientation which is still very sensitive subject in Turkey even though same-sex sexual ativity is legal.
When I first thought I might be anything else than straight, the idea that both or one of my parents wouldn’t accept me made me angry. I think parental love towards their children should rise above everything. After all, my father has said many times he loves me. Would my sexual orientation change that?
Barely, but he still might never accept my sexuality. But could it be even possible to love someone if you don’t accept some part of the person?
Yes, I think so, at least if we talk about parental love. My father has cried out to me because I answered his question:”whatever”. He has made me cry because he thought I didn’t answer his question quickly enough.
However, I know that he can also be a gentle and loving father. His way of showing love is just similar to what he has received from his parents. His religion ja culture is important to him and I should respect that. He can’t change his past and get rid of his traumas so therefore, I can not insist that he suddenly would change his opinions and accept my bisexuality.
Unfortunately, there are parents who left their kids because of their sexuality. I am extremely close to mine so that would crush me down. You can see I have mixed feelings about my parents; I love them but I hate the thought that they might not accept me. I would do anything that they could just be proud of me.
Some parents, like mine, try so hard to be good that they can feel their childs suffering. They feel sad for me because I am dissapointed to myself and I am even more sad because I think they are dissapointed to me. Feelings like these make my mental illness even worse even I am sure my parents wouldn´t want that.
It took me some time to realized that it’s okay even feel hate towars your parents. In reality they are just people who make mistakes and have their own traumas that they grew up with, so it’s okay to put some emotional distance between you and your parents to protect yourself. In the end when it comes, it´s their decision if they want to be part of my life, whether I would date a girl or a boy.
I want to believe that most of the parents want their children to be happy but sometimes they might not realized that our happiness is always not the same as they have thought. Some parents accept that, some parents don’t, but it’s good to remember that this is your life and you can make your own choices. Sometimes those choices can be hard because they might seperate you from your parents but in the end your own is what matters. If your parents love you they will come back to you, I am sure.
My father has said he just wants me to be happy and have a good job. I hope he will still say those things when/if I’ll tell him about my sexuality, some day.